ShareThisTwas the night before Christmas, when all through the mall
Not a douche bag was shopping, not even Sean Paul.
The salesmen were counting their commissions with care
In hopes that they’d have enough for a hooker named Claire.
The manager Phil was at home in his bed,
Because he’s a dick and didn’t schedule himself to work that night .
His wife is named Brenda and boy she’s a JAP,
(Not the kind from Japan, rather she shops at the Gap).
Not a douche bag was shopping, not even Sean Paul.
The salesmen were counting their commissions with care
In hopes that they’d have enough for a hooker named Claire.
The manager Phil was at home in his bed,
Because he’s a dick and didn’t schedule himself to work that night .
His wife is named Brenda and boy she’s a JAP,
(Not the kind from Japan, rather she shops at the Gap).
But back to the part of this poem that matters
The salesmen and their hunger for whores who don’t chatter
Greg said “Woo hoo!” for he had enough cash
For a night involving Claire (and hopefully the next day no rash).
He went to the street corner of 1st Street and Poe
Because that’s where he knew that he’d find that ho!
Claire walked up to his car and said, “Well, hey my dear.
I really wasn’t sure if I’d see you this year.”
They stopped and checked in at the Motel 6
Of course under a fake name, I think it was Steve
They did it till morning and man were they sore,
She taught him positions from her Vietnamese tour!
Now something you should know; ol’ Greg is married.
His wife thought he was in some city whose name rhymes with ‘married’.
Before going home he knew he was smelly,
And so in the shower he cleaned off the perfume and KY jelly.
And when he got home Mrs. Greg, she was smiling
“How was your trip?” she asked whilst her nails she was filing.
“Mom and dad are great! Thanks for asking,”
He said, and in the glow of relief he was basking.
“Oh by the way, I just got off the phone with Lisa.
You see, she is a very concerned lady who works for Visa.
I can’t believe that I married such a dumb retard
Who pays for his damn hookers with a damn credit card!”
And with that she kicked him right in the balls
In fact they still hurt the next day at the mall.
And now Greg lives in some piece of crap
By the way did I mention Claire gave him the clap?!
Merry Christmas!!
The salesmen and their hunger for whores who don’t chatter
Greg said “Woo hoo!” for he had enough cash
For a night involving Claire (and hopefully the next day no rash).
He went to the street corner of 1st Street and Poe
Because that’s where he knew that he’d find that ho!
Claire walked up to his car and said, “Well, hey my dear.
I really wasn’t sure if I’d see you this year.”
They stopped and checked in at the Motel 6
Of course under a fake name, I think it was Steve
They did it till morning and man were they sore,
She taught him positions from her Vietnamese tour!
Now something you should know; ol’ Greg is married.
His wife thought he was in some city whose name rhymes with ‘married’.
Before going home he knew he was smelly,
And so in the shower he cleaned off the perfume and KY jelly.
And when he got home Mrs. Greg, she was smiling
“How was your trip?” she asked whilst her nails she was filing.
“Mom and dad are great! Thanks for asking,”
He said, and in the glow of relief he was basking.
“Oh by the way, I just got off the phone with Lisa.
You see, she is a very concerned lady who works for Visa.
I can’t believe that I married such a dumb retard
Who pays for his damn hookers with a damn credit card!”
And with that she kicked him right in the balls
In fact they still hurt the next day at the mall.
And now Greg lives in some piece of crap
By the way did I mention Claire gave him the clap?!
Merry Christmas!!
