Elena Kagan Appointed to Warm Up Crowd Before Supreme Court Proceedings

After hearing Supreme Court Justice nominee Elena Kagan's shtick, they decided to appoint her to be the person who warms up the room to get the crowd going before the judges come in.

Said one senator, "The Supreme Court has always been so serious. It's always 'law this' and 'constitution that.' Lighten the frick up, people!"

Kagan will have a special robe that glitters with the words, "Court's in Session, Bitches!" printed on the back.

Kagan will crack such witty lines as, "So anyone here been incarcerated?" and "You've been great! Don't forget to tip your bailiff!"

The Supreme Court's name will also be changed to "Elena Kagan's Def Supreme Court Jam sponsored by Trojan Condoms."